Je vais réfléchir en français…peut-être

Jamais deja j’ai écrit pour moi-même en français. C’est…un peu étrange. Mais maintenant, est-ce je tranduis mon pensées pour moi ou pour toi, le lecteur? J’ai une habitude où I translate half of what I am thinking about into french, sometimes forming complete conversations dans mon esprit.

I do it in conversation aussi. C’est confusion pour ceux qui ne pouvez pas comprende la langue. Doing this helps improve my vocab though, at least my french one, forcing me to remember those words needed to make myself clear. Donc, je vais écrire en français plus souvent? Je ne sais pas.

Je ne sais pas beaucoup des choses. Mais…c’est un autre sujet complètement…

A lightening of the mood

So. I figured that my first few posts were rather thoughtful and took quite a lot of effort and musing to write. Unfortunately (or maybe not so) I don’t really have a topic to write about at the moment…I am rather distracted…

Therefore today will be a rather light hearted post, centred around a poker night I went to last night.

I only recently played my first game of poker, around two weeks ago, and even then managed to break even and win an additional 60p on top of the £5 pound buy in. Since then I began to really get into the game, and my friend recommended a good online site that was based around a cartoon story, so fun but not playing for money.

So technically, last night was only my second game against other people. To start off with, I played not very well but didn’t bet too hard and so didn’t lose many chips. Then one round, the dealer was jokingly saying he would deal my sister an awesome hand as she was bleeding chips. Turns out a lot of people had good hands, and about four of us were betting heavily on a good flop. When it came to seeing the cards, my sister had pocket kings, making a two pair with the cards on the table. So did I. Such a funny moment for us, and the dealer, but not the other two players who lost many chips. Maybe it was the genetic link…

The next hand I got pocket aces. How awesome is that? And I managed to keep a straight face and was called whenever I raised…so I ended up becoming chips leader pretty fast. It has to be said though that the last hand was the best. I had to leave, and because I was one of the remaining four players, I was guaranteed to win £5. As I was leaving, I figured I could go all in and not lose anything…two of the other players saw me, and subsequently lost to my two pair…I was so hyper after winning!

All in all was a very good night, the combined buzz of an interesting poker game and good company.

Now I have to find another opportunity to test my skills…

Time…where?

Hmm. Here’s what got me thinking about this vast topic of time. Being the hardcore Ben’s Brother fan that I am, I was listening to their Beta Male Fairytales (which, I would just like to point out) is an awesome name for an album) on my little red iPod nano, and I came across the song, funnily enough, entitled Time. Despite the fact that I do love Ben’s Brother, I have never listened to this song before; I guess I’ve never really been in the mood.

Well, today apparently I was. And I discovered that I really love that song, because of the lyrics. They are all so true, and it’s such a good way of putting a feeling that I’m sure everyone gets – I know I do. The opening line:

“A second, a minute, an hour, a day and it’s gone.”

It’s really like that isn’t it? One minute you’re struggling to get up for a Monday morning, the next it’s Friday afternoon and you’re talking about your plans for the weekend.

There’s is nothing we can do to stop time passing. As my friend said in his blog, we live life way too fast. I find it scary when a week goes by in a flash. But the other day, I got really scared. It’s the summer now, and I’ve just finished another year at school. A whole year. I can remember the first day as if it was only a month ago. Where did that year go?? Did I do enough? Is there anything I should’ve done better? Did I waste my time on some things?

I’m pretty sure I realised something like this last summer, at the end the year. Just not in such a big way. And I’m certain that I vowed to spend my time more wisely. So maybe I did. Maybe I could do better next year. Maybe I should start doing better now. Definitely I know that I will try.

Hmmm…then there is the opposite effect I guess. When time seems to creep by, like a spider making a half hearted attempt to walk across a patch of treacle. I’m glad to say I don’t often get this feeling. I think it’s stupid to wish away time you can never get back. If you’re bored, do something. I quite often say that I’m bored, but I rarely mean it. Usually I’m just in a state of restlessness, or loneliness, and want to talk to someone. That makes me think about how some people, especially my age, in their teens, try their hardest to be older. What can’t they just be themselves? It’s like another Ben’s Brother song, I am who I am. You can’t get time back – right now you might think that you don’t need to, but like they say, you don’t know what you had until you lost it.

I guess what I’m really trying to say here, in a roundabout way, is that there’s no time to waste, to be unhappy. Do everything you want to do. But also look out for how others are doing. I can only finish on a great quote.

“Be young, be foolish, but be happy.”

Deuxième

I realised today that I probably get more emotional at films than is necessarily normal. This happened when earlier, I was thinking about watching Gladiator again. This is, I still maintain, my favourite film, although to date I have only seen it all the way through about four times. It’s an incredible film – the depth of the characters, the artistic detail and the amazing score…it’s just so good. But it always gets me really emotional.

I get angry at the injustice, sad because of his death and then ultimately peaceful that he got the bad guy in the end. I always, everytime, even when I don’t see the whole film, cry. A lot. This happens a lot with other films too, but it’s pretty much the same story, but with not such an epic film!

So yeh. In the end, I couldn’t bring myself to go through that, and settled to watching old re-runs of Scrubs…

Completely different, but I was reading the news earlier. That’s something I haven’t done in a long, long time. So most of the time, I feel pretty much out of touch with what is going on. I figured that I would make a determind effort to keep up with things. Anyway, I digress. I saw the article about the doctor who was killed on the last day of her honeymoon, and her husband critically injured, by a burgular with a gun. Every story like this is sad, really sad, especially to think of what the families might be going through. But what struck me as odd, was at the end of the article, there was a quote from a police officer, stating that they wanted to reassure visitors that Antigua is still a safe destination. Yeh. Real safe.

Hmmm. I don’t really want to end on a bad note.

Why is it taking me so long to think of something nice to say?

Ok. I’m happy that these posts are here. Even if no one reads them. Writing them makes me feel better, that things are written down. Maybe I’ll do some more meaningful ones sometime?

Thoughts

Hmmm so, odd story behind this blog. I said to my friend, “I want to write”. So write a blog, he replied. I then tried to explain that it wasn’t the creation of words or sentences I particularly interested in, it was just the physical action of putting words on paper with ink. “So do it”.

I tried. But then I realised I wanted both, to create whilst writing, so I guess he was right. So I started writing, about writing. By the end of it, I realised that it actually made some sense. Which is quite often rare for something to come from me. And I wanted to share. Cue spontaneous creation of blog and new post… as it is spontaneous, I can’t promise anything long term. It’s not you, it’s me….

But yeh, here is what I scribbled, in my curly, slightly italic hand writing, with a black biro, in a scrap notebook….

“I feel like writing. Not just on the computer (*I was wrong…*), but actual, physical writing, with a pen and paper. So that’s what I’m doing. I told my friend this, so he responded…”write a blog”…a blog is merely a diary displayed for all to see surely? And people know, when they write a blog, that pretty much anyone can see it. So knowing this, does anyone ever actually lay themselves bare in a blog? Do they ever really explore their deepest thoughts and wants, such is usual in a diary? Saying that, does anyone? Ever? In conversation, in a diary, in a blog…I don’t think anyone does. Not necessarily incase someone else reads or hears, but because they of themselves. Of what they might find. Everyone has their secrets, even from themselves.”

So…that was that. One last thought. Why do I only ever blog ridiculously late at night?? I really should develop a decent sleeping pattern…it’s all his fault…